90 day challange

April 11th . I started the first of multiple life changes. I decided to compete with two of my friends we weighed and agreed the one to loose the most weight in 30 days would be buying the other 2 a healthy lunch. Well week one I committed to not eating anymore fast food and no more binge eating. week 2 I added healthy and whole foods, removing processed foods and carbs. and Advocare sparks every morning. Not to say I haven't had some intense issues in this. I messed up three times and had fast food, but only have had one binge eppossod. In the last two weeks I have also signed up for another 90 day weight loss challange. Theres 29 other folks competing to get healthy and lose weight the winner gets a good chunk of money. (heck money is always a good incentive) so now we are on the start of week 3. this week I'm comitting to working out 3 times a week with an hour of cardio, and adding to that I will drink 50% of my body weight in water. so heres to week 3. week 1: no fast food. no more binging. week 2. no more processed food, no carbs, eating whole and clean. Advocare sparks every morning. week 3: exercise daily with 3 days of an hour cardio, drink 50% of my body weight in water. so heres to week 3 of changing my life and making me whole and healthy. I will be blogging through out the next 90 days lets see some progress.

Just taking time to except reality.

Today was a tad bit busy, no busier then any other day though. Woke up early, cuddled with my husband youngest son and youngest daughter, talked about the things to do today and got up and started the day. Everything flowed with simple peace, no real chaos. (lord knows I need mornings like this). Getting 5 kids ready for the day and the task ahead can be a challenge, especially when 4 of them are 6 yrs and under..(My oldest 16yr old son has gone to stay with his dad for a while). Then of we run... Jeromy makes the school bus, Matthew and Saylah get rides from me. One to school one to daycare. Clay stays home to wait for Ayanna (2yr old I baby-sit) another morning I can't be here. Clay starts his school lessons while he keeps an eye on ayanna (clays homeschooling). I come home to get schandler (the baby) cleaned up and fixed up in a clean pair of pajamas. (The way he has been explosively blowing up his diapers nothing to cute needs to go on). Now the baby and I head off to the primary care Dr. To see why the added diapers and the long lasting fever and fussiness, all along with the new established rash and cough... While in the waiting room I sit and think about doughnuts, oh yummy lemon filled, ham and cheese to go with it.. Strong cup of coffee... Well today I am going to fight the temptations. The babies screaming at the top of his lungs now. He doesn't want to play he doesn't want me to do anything. He doesn't fill good and he needs me to nurse the ouchy's away. Seriously in this packed in waiting room, can't we wait... And he cry's and cry's some more. While of-course everyone is talking to him trying to consul him. (I know stick a boob in his mouth and shut him up.) I just want to have a break its been a long weekend. So off we go to find a some what private space to nurse. While he nurses I remember my husband needs me to call the DRP. His new medication for his diabetes is making him fill and behave like a stomach bug attacked him.. (I secretly wish I had that problem so the weight wouldn't be so much). So now after finally seeing the Dr. I'm told more antibiotics. Ear infection is good but he has something viral going on, and a infection on his hand, and so much drainage its making him cough... Leave there and the thoughts of fast food run through my head. McDonald's pancake breakfast, large diet coke. Yummy couple sausage biscuits oh yes...oh No I resist the urge one more time.. Off the pay a bill, and stop to get fuel. Oh my gaush I'm so hungry. I just want a candy bar or a bag of chips something... Well I fight my mind and get a monster and a cup of yogurt... Now to the bank and to make some phone calls. Notice a friend in need hurry over there and pass the McDonald's on the way. Wondering if a fish sand-which is going to hurt me.. Hit the drive through. Sorry we don't serve lunch tell 10:30Am. What the heck its not even 10:30 yet what is wrong with me. I get my diet coke and NOTHING else. Go on to help my friend and thin call the lovely husband. Now it is lunch time its almost 11:00am, hey baby wanna do lunch.. He agrees. YIPPEE!! So I fight all the desires and we go to subway. Much healthier choices for sure there. I did it!! Healthy veggie filled cold cut trio and I didn't eat every bite.. I did break and get some chips with it, but those cookies oh my they were watching my every move. Nope there not going to win today.. Lunch with hubby, then home to change the kids diapers (ayanna and schandler) and plop my butt finds the couch immediately. I think about the laundry list of things I need to do, including the laundry... Well dang it I'm hungry, I'll just eat one donut.. Well maybe 2. Now ill stop after all if I don't give in I will eat the whole box.. Give the kids some yogurt and they need some chocolate milk, because if not IM going to drink it... Well that list of things to do... Dishes, clean the counters, mop the floor, fold the clothes, vacuum the floor, feed the dogs, walk the dogs, change the fishes bowls , feed the fish.. naw ill get out the laptop and work on coupons, post some things for sale and make some money. Wish I had a milkshake.. Nope... Fight that urge.. Ill go see what chores I can get into since I'm not doing the coupons or posting. I pass the kitchen. Im kinda hungry. Savage through the fridge fruit, veggies, salad, yogurt.. Who's brilliant idea was it to stock the fridge like this...(oh yeah mine) OK ill go back and sit on the laptop. Which is where I am now writing this blog about how I haven't done much. I'm honestly addicted to food. It controls my emotions, my thoughts , my budget and even my day. I am so tired, lazy and fat. ITS TIME FOR A CHANGE BUT HOW??

raising a teenager. boy oh boy!!!

I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say anymore. My life is constantly revolving around me. My kids are all I can focus on. I now have a 16 year old who loves me this I know but the constant arguing and daily struggle with him is wearing on my heart and mind. He calls me things like a liar and yells at me, I must admit I often yell at him as well, but truth be told I just don't understand why it is so hard for him to mind. I ask him to do something so simple he makes it a big deal and a two hour argument. The topper he wants to go and live with his dad. I spent his whole life fighting for him and hanging on to him. I remember the moment I gave birth to him, walking in the snow praying the contractions would be enough to deliver him. I remember the breaking words my only son my first born had jaundice. I thought that was the end of the world. Boy was I wrong it was just the start. Latter he began vomiting constantly, and was admitted into the hospital we were told he had interception, which was a blockage, nope they were wrong, we then found he had g.e.r.d's guess what not a big deal right..Yes very much so in his case he was refluxing every 30 mins.He needed a surgery that was not common in children his age. He was only 11 months old and they were planning to tie his stomach valves together to save his life, his body hated food as it kept rejecting it. The surgery was a great success we spent another month in the hospital and he was all better....years Went on and my son was healthy, my marriage was not but I could do this, I was strong enough. Oh so wrong for sure. The years have gone on, and his teenage years started. A huge situation of domestic abuse occurred and we were both hurt. Now for sure the marriage is over, we moved out to start our lives over, I had already had 2 more sons and it was us against the world. My first born is now my rock he was so strong through all this, he was the man of the house, we had no were to live and no idea where we were going. We stayed with my parents and then with my best friend, then into an apartment , then made the mistake of going back to my husband... The domestic abuse started back up and I had delivered the little boy I was expecting when I first left, and this time my son was even a victim. We fled I meet a great man and he gave me the strength to never look back, I've remarried and started over life has becoming so good. I have had another baby a little girl this time. Then my oldest son started having issues he suffered in silence, but became angry and argumentative, He was then admitted into the hospital for some help, it was horrible and scary. After following the doctors advice, and receiving the dreaded news, my son had a mental health disorder. Really why? Now I have one of the smartest kids I know with no dad in the picture and mental health issues, he is slowly falling apart, and school is making life worse. The bullying the hallucinations and the voices are the worst for him, I don't know how to help him and the medicine is not working. Low and behold he was done fighting himself and tried to take his own life.... Suicide was what he thought was the answer, my world was breaking. I immediately pulled him out of public school and took on the challenge of homecomings. Time progressed and he showed so much improvement, he is working and doing mentally better. Now he has decided back to public school he is going. The topper he is also ready to start seeing his biological father and put everything behind him. Im excited and even scared for him. In the meantime I am now the enemy.. Living one day at a time, focusing on him and the other kids. But never seeming to be enough.