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Well it's another day

Woke up 10 mins late this morning. Anyone who know's me knows that means my whole day will stay 10 mins late. The new puppy peed on the floor. I told Jamie as I was trying to get Saylah changed Repo needs to go out, but he ignored me, and damn it if he didn't pee on the floor. So guess what I got to finish changing Saylah, then Take the dog out, then come in and clean up the mess. then Start the laundry and if I wasn't suprissed Jamie's in his tow truck and off to work, he never said bye, no kisses, no I love yous nothing. He never understands why This drives me crazy. Haven't had my morning coffee, The day care kids are running late, I can't find the Tv remotes. Oh my this morning is starting out like Crap. Maybe I can turn it around. Oh yeah add to it my ear is hurting. Go figure. So what on earth am I going to do. I am going to get it together of-course as always!!! Oh hey btw 4 of my 5 little guys come home tonight. I dunno when My oldest Wayne will be home, he is 14 but He is still my baby and I do miss him bunches. I havent really talked to him since he left Monday night. I saw him Tuesday for about 20mins, he told me he wanted to come home. I of-course Told him we will take it one day at a time. Last night I was able to tell him I LOVE HIM. I hope time will go by fast and things will be different soon, but I pray he knows how much I love him, and miss him. It's amazing how a child can mean so much to you. Well on to other things before I get to upset. Saylah went to the pool yesterday with me and her sister and a few friends. She is only 15months but acts like she is grown, she played so hard. Say say wouldn't stay in her float and refussed to let me even hang on to her. She walked around, put her little head in the water came up and laughed, she played in the sprinklers and just had a great time, but you would never know she was only 15 months would have thought she was 2 or 3 it was amazing watching my water bug. I think my bestie Sarah and I will be meeting up again today to play in the pool. I hope she has as much fun today as yesterday. So what else is going on. I went to a new Leaders meeting with Avon where there was about 10 women there whom all they do is work Avon and make a living at it. So so encourging for sure. I hope to soon be doing as great as them, but they have all been at it over 6+ years. I have been at it 6weeks. I am kinda at a stand still in what I should do next to keep successeful. Thesse women had some great Ideas, now If I can get the time and motivation and my act together. One last thing on my mind, Repo who is he. He is our new puppy he is 15 months we adopted him from the Animal control at 5:30pm They close at 6:00pm. I was visiting a friend and we were talking about Kyta she is our Golden Retriver, she ran away about 3weeks ago or so we thought but seems someone has taken her because we had Kyta for a long time, when ever she got out she always came home. But anyways, Mellissa shared with me a picture of a dog named Molly who was scheduled to be euthinized at 6:00pm I called about her and They said she had been adopted but they had 6 more dogs on the same path tonight. I was like Oh my gaush no. so I told the women I would be there by 5 please let me look at the dogs maybe we can save one. She agreed well heck when I got there I counted 17 people all crowding in a small animal control, all of them there for the same reason, So I watched and waited and stood back, to my suprise Repo had not been chossen and he had no future, Well he does now, My husband and I paid the FEE and took repo home. His name was actually Springfeild but he didn't know that, his home has been a small cage like a cell, he hasn't been walked or done much with in over a month I know for sure. So Repo which is his name now, has a lot of training to do, I have him in the living room with me, and In the house when I can focus on him. In the laundry room/ mud room also to sleep, and took him outside this morning to get some excersice. I think He apears under weight so My husband said he is going to go ge him some Nutro dog chow, and his behavior is very hyper and un trained, So I will be calling around for some training help. Well I have wasted alot of time on here, so off to get dressed, Make coffee and prepare for a better start. Kinda Kicking my morning off again.

Its my link to my new start AVON

http://kissyrox.avonrepresentative.com/

His mine and our a family of 10

Today I sit here in what feels like the quiet. I guess it's only quiet to me others would not agree. You see it's only Saylah and Kelli as children home and four daycare kids . There is laughing and playing and even whining, but to me it is so quiet. My step son Austin has gone back to a his mamas house for the week. My step daughter Hailie has moved out with her son and moved in with her soon to be hubby. My three youngest boys are visiting there dad for a week, And my oldest son is visiting his grand-parents for a bit. Are very special Therphy dog Kyta has run away from home about 2 weeks ago so even her company is not here, and Ofcourse my hard working husband is off to the work zone. So in what seems to others im sure as chaos my home is quiet and I am feeling sad with out my wild bunch of 10 feeling my nest. I am sitting here and I hear the Tv in the play room going and the Tv in the living room as well, children making nose but with out my baby's I feel empty. I have cleaned the house and taken out the trash, feed the daycare kids, and my baby girl. Still have some dishes to do but I have decided to put that on Hold and beging bloogging/journalling. I think I need to express things again with no fear of Judgement or anything to hold me back. I'm done living in his fear or anyone elses. I am ME! and thats who I plan to be. So what is on my mind today as you can/or can't tell I miss my kids with all my heart but I feel ever so guilty for enjoying the quiet and enjoying the hot shower last night, the Early to bed and the Hot meal. Yes I do believe having that Hot meal has been my faviorite part. Yesterday I took Saylah and I went to meet a perspective Therpest. I know this is judged pretty lowly by people. I should be strong enough to not need counsling right, wth is wrong with me. My life is perfect I have a house full of kids, a great career, A new job I have started on the side selling Avon, But it has become more of a full time carrer as well. I have a fabulous Husband. Wonderful children, and a family who loves me. I even have a handful of amazing friends and lots of people who know me and I can call anytime. So why the Hell am I seeking outside help. I guess I'm lossing it somewhere inside. The Therapest/counslor says I would bennifit from bi-weekly sessions, she says I am overwhellmed and need some me time. What? me overwhellmed? wait hold on step back Me time? what on earth is that? So I reluctantly agreed to schedule another session. I hope this is not a sign of true failure. So what else has been on my mind. I am beging to see myself as a complete waist I have failed my kids, my husband my step children and ofcourse myself. I am having a hard time keeping up with everything, my goals my dreams, and my ambitions. I never got the education I so truly wanted. But heck I have tried for sure no one can say I Haven't I just never can get all the peices together or at least to stay together. weather it be child-care, or finances, or just time. Something always stops me. I have got so many goals and I want to keep it all together, so maybe I should make a list. lol That list would be so stikin long. On Friday a friend of mine said I am her mommy hero. I sucked that compliment up for sure I am so amazed anyone could see me as having it all together. I can't keep my house clean as It should be, the counslor says I have O.C.D. my kids say I am a clean freak, I yell alot, and oh my I have even cussed more then once. I believe in God/Jesus/Holy ghost, BUT I do not believe in church. I don't read my bible. My two year old is supposedily have Autisam and developmentle delay. My 14yr old is going through a hard time in his life, one I just don't relate to well. And on top of it call me crazy but since My baby girl saylah has been born. I have been trying to losse weight off and on but fail anfter fail at the attempts, and oddly enough my darling husband and I have been seriously desiring another baby, but that has not occurd yet. so Me a hero Hunny I love you but I have fallen short of that. So what is todays blog about I dunno just some feelings I suppose.